Adia and her dad

Adia’s birth

Adia is my second child. When her sister Abby was a bit more than 3 years old, we decided to have her. The conception was immediate. We started preparing Abby before conceiving Adia. We read to her stories of relations between elder sibling and baby. For example, how Pete Rabbit wanted to play with the babies, but the babies were sleeping most of the time.

The pregnancy was relatively easy. We went and traveled to Perth when Adia was 6 months in the tummy. Not long before delivery, Chew Ling auntie hired us a photographer to record the memory at the Labrador park.

At 1am Oct 12th, 2022, Enya’s water broke. I remember seeing the toilet floor all wet. I drove her to NUH, she was monitored in the delivery suite. Because the contractions didn’t happen, we were sent to the ward. Early morning, doctor advised induction. Adia was born at 3pm. In the whole process, without the help of anaesthetic, there was no pain, just as what Enya had faith for. The only exception was at the end, Enya’s whole body contorted for a short moment, and that was painful. That could be the reason that when Adia was born, there was a bruise on her scalp, which resulted in a small soft bubble of fluid on the head that lasted for more than a month. Sometimes I would touch this soft bubble and find it cute. The moment Adia was born, Enya heard God say, “I’m not done with your womb”. Enya responded, “But I’m done with my womb.”

We named her Adia, meaning God’s crowning jewel. The Chinese name means pray to mount Zion, we didn’t know at that time that it actually means pray at mount Zion.

Jaundice

We were discharged as planned, but we had to come back for checkup the next day, because Adia’s jaundice level was close to the borderline. I and the confinement nanny Auntie Fung brought Adia to NUH kid’s clinic for jaundice check the next day. They needed to poke a small hole on her heel, squeeze it and draw blood into a thin straw. Then the lab test would take about half an hour or more. Sometimes the blood stops flowing before the straw is filled, and they would have to poke again. Adia would cry when she was poked and squeezed for blood. We were told that her level was still at the borderline. The doctor advised to admit her alone for light therapy. I called Enya, and Enya cried over the phone. I decided to bring Adia home and come to check again the next day. Because the next day was Sunday, so I came to the A&E department. A female PD from China told me I could do phototherapy at home. So, we rented the machine and did it at home. It came with a complimentary eye mask with an elastic strap at the back. I could pay $5 to upgrade to a gel eye mask that sticks to the face. The stringent me wanted to save money and try the elastic strap first. When I put it on Adia, she screamed. And my mother-in-law said “Aiyo just 5 dollars, let me pay lah!”

The phototherapy lasted 2 days, afterwards I needed to bring Adia for jaundice check up at the polyclinic from time to time. Ah Fung and I would bring Adia early in the morning. We were given newborn priority to cut the queue for the first month. More than a month later, after multiple poking and blood extraction, her level went down to single digit above 100, which is the threshold for discharge. The doctor required me to come back to test until it goes below 100 and wouldn’t concur that the since the jaundice level is going down, the risk is very low. That’s when I decided not to bring Adia for jaundice check up anymore. The medical system sets a conservative and rigid threshold, to me the risk of jaundice weighs lighter than the pain of blood extraction and the risk of exposure to COVID.

Adia’s personality

Adia was joyful since birth. She started smiling since the very beginning. When my friend came to visit a few days after her birth, they marvelled at how she was just smiling all the time without any reason. She is obviously an extrovert, as she would smile or laugh as she sees new faces. All these changed after the thunderstorm on March 20th. She was woken and scared by thunder and lightning that afternoon, and since then she would still laugh if there’s external stimulation. But there was not as much voluntary laughter without reason.

Adia is adventurous. Her neck became strong at 3 months. When brought out in a baby carrier, she was ready to face outward since very little. She loves going outside. When she sees the gate is open, sometimes she would yell to draw attention to herself, requesting to be brought out. There was once that I said goodbye to her when I went to work early in the morning. She was sitting by the table, as she saw me leaving she yelled, and when she saw me going out without her, she cried. I think that day I brought her for a short walk in the corridor, but if my memory fails me, I might have said sorry and turned my back to go to work.

Adia likes teether toys. A few times she was lying on the playmat exploring her teether, I came and said hello to her, she looked at me with expectation, thinking I would pick her up. When I went away, she threw away the teethers and started crying violently. I wish I could say that every time I would come back and pick her up, but I didn’t. Sometimes when she is sitting at the chair, I would come out from my room to get water from the kitchen. She sees me and her arms would leap, and she would yell in her excitement. But I would just say hi and return to my inefficient remote work.

Adia is smart, knows what she wants, and is able to express her desires and demands. She didn’t like it when her mom would look at her phone when breast feeding her. She would use her little paw to knock the phone to the floor. When she was about 7 months old the phone finally gave up.

Her smartness is also reflected in how she escapes from confinements. She could slide down from her little rocker to escape it. There was once that we tied a band around her arms to help prevent startle reflex to help her sleep longer. When she woke up, we noticed she had wiggled herself out of the band. Fearing the band might suffocate her, we abandoned the idea.

Adia has very bright eyes. Her sister Abby was born at the 38th week, in her first few days of life, her eyes couldn’t focus, and I loved that innocence in her eyes. However, such innocence was not to be found in Adia’s eyes. She was born at the 39th week, and her eyes have been bright and sharp since the beginning. It feels like light is emmiting from her eyes. My helper Jane used to tell my wife that she feels Adia can see through her heart. Such were the eyes of a prophet, which I don’t see in any other kid I’ve met.

Adia loves nature. When she is restless at home, she won’t let me sit still and hold her. She would use her body to turn around, and refuse to sit or stand on my laps with me holding. But if I bring her downstairs, she can allow me to sit on a bench, and she would look at the trees and be still for 10 or 20 minutes. I would let her pluck a leaf from the bushes, though her mom doesn’t allow it for hygienic reasons. She would hold it all the way back, and if anyone tries to take the leaf from her hand, she would scream and shout. Once when she was 8 months old she protested with pretend cry when we came home and I took the leaf away. So I gave it back, drew her attention with another toy, and took the leaf away without her noticing. This way, I outsmarted her.

Adia loves dogs too. Once I brought her downstairs in a baby carrier, when she saw an Indian neighbour with an old golden retriever, she motioned me to follow. She beheld the dog for quite a while. I lowered her fist to touch the head of the dog, and she withdrew her fist back. But she was not afraid.

Adia loves to interact with people. There was one morning I woke up early and brought her down to the hawker centre to buy breakfast. All the Ah Mahs that saw her were attracted by her smiley face. They would want to come and touch her or talk to her. My wife and I are both introverts. We were amazed how we gave birth to an extrovert.

Growth

Adia’s sister Abby was a very chubby baby. Her height was 50%, but her weight was 90% of the population. Adia was different. Though she drank milk alright, her weight was only about 50%. When she was born, her sister just started going to kindergarten. She would bring flu virus home, and Adia was infected twice. There was once that we sent Adia to Ah Mah’s place for a while to prevent her from contracting COVID from her sister. I remember one night Enya called and complained about how hot the place was. I immediately bought long water tube and brought a portable aircon there to help cool down Adia’s room. There was once when Adia came back from staying at Ah Mah’s place for a period, she didn’t recognize me. She would scream at the top of her lung at me, to prevent me from carrying her.

Adia’s neck became strong very early, and she was able to sit very early. But she never liked tummy time. I remember once at Ah Mah’s place when she was 2 months old, we gave her tummy time, and she was able to flip to lie on her back. We were amazed at how early she could do that, and I made her do it a few more times. Now thinking back, tummy time must have been very uncomfortable for her. And it took a lot of her strength to flip back. I’m sorry for how cruel it was to her. Since she didn’t like tummy time, she never crawled, and we thought she might end up walking before crawling.

Adia was often demanding to be carried. To the point that both my wife and helper’s wrist and back were very tired. We built a small swing and a small trampoline for her at home. She loved the trampoline. She was able to jump up, twirl, and land facing the direction she wants to face. This becomes very obvious when there are several people around her, and she would jump and turn to each one to connect to them.

In March and in late June there were two episodes when she didn’t want to drink or eat much. The one in March was resolved after about a week. Enya followed what she heard from God and commanded the spirit of rebellion to leave Adia.

June to July

One day, probably June 21st 2023, I woke up at 4am, heard Adia say ababababa… and I fell back to sleep. In the morning I told my family that I heard she say baba, either it was real, or it was a vivid dream. My helper Jane verified it, she was with Adia in her room. Since then Adia would say abababa to anyone. But she actually knows how to say baba and mama. One day soon after, we put her on our laps, and she looked at her mom and said mama, and to me and said baba. Towards the end, Adia would hug her mom with her neck extending over her mom’s body saying ma~. It happened to Enya at least 2, 3 times, and it happened to me once. I’m not sure if she said ma~ or ba~.

Starting from June 28th, Adia ate less and less. On July 4th I drove to MotherCare and bought the Philips anti-colic bottle, it was the last time Adia finished 120ml milk. Her solid intake also dropped and dropped. She was strong willed to turn away when we feed her solid. But when we offer her water with the same spoon, she would welcome that. We brought her to see PD, but no issue was found.

On July 8th we brought Adia to the West Coast Park. I remember lowering her to look at a yellow shiba dog, but she didn’t show any interest this time.

On July 9th I woke up at 4:30 in the morning. I went to Adia’s room, told Enya and Jane to rest, and carried Adia to sleep till 6:15. Enya and Jane were surprised, because I almost never woke up so early to voluntarily take over this work. As I carried Adia, sometimes she would breathe heavily, and thoughts came to my mind wondering if she has heart issue. When carried to sleep, Adia requires the carrier to remain standing all the time. Once the carrier sits down or leans against something, she would notice and wake up. With my engineering mind I was trying to figure out how to solve this for the long run, not knowing there would be no “long run”.

In the afternoon, Adia was so weak that she was not able to sit straight by herself. At 4pm we set out for Gleneagles A&E. The GP advised hospitalization, which I didn’t expect. I decided to ask for the PD’s opinion. The PD arrived and gave the same recommendation. While waiting for the PD I looked for my company’s insurance policy to find the way to get the letter of guarantee, and I caught a glimpse of the $5000 death benefit clause. I thought to myself I wouldn’t need that.

When she was admitted, they brought her to a room to put a hard board on her forearm and plant needle to facilitate IV drip. She cried with strength in that room.

In the evening I drove home to bring Auntie Jane to the hospital. Waiting at the drop off area of my apartment, the rain was very heavy. I called my parents. My mom immediately cried saying we won’t be coming back in August. We had been planning this family trip, since we haven’t been back home for quite a few years during COVID, but somehow in my heart I always felt unease about the trip, afraid something would go wrong. My dad told me since I’m the man in the house, I need to be strong whatever may happen. What could happen? Who would expect this to be the end?

I sent Jane to the hospital, and rushed back down to make it within the grace period so I didn’t need to pay for parking. Not knowing that was the last time I saw Adia alive in this body. I don’t even remember where she was and what she was doing at the time. I was simply focused on my task. The next task was to pick up Abby from her grandma’s home. I bought curry porkchop as dinner for myself. I sent Abby to sleep at home and handled the letter of guarantee. Enya sent good news saying blood test shows no infection, and the IV drip is working.

The shock

The next morning I was woken up by Abby, I sent her to school, and said God bless you at the gate. As I came back and was planning to find a cheaper carpark near the hospital, Enya’s phone call came, saying Adia’s heart stopped beating, and doctors are trying to resuscitate her. I lighted the incense, and was about to kneel to pray, when her second phone call came, urging me to come to the hospital. I called my doctor friend on the way, to realize that by the time I get to the hospital, the doctors would have exhausted their means.

I saw Adia’s body on the bed with tubes in her mouth, she appears to be sleeping. I started commanding resurrection. Batches of friends came and prayed. In the afternoon, the police took her body away for autopsy. In the evening, I arranged the funeral with the help of my church.

The next evening, people came to the wake and gave me hugs and comfort. I was determined to fast and pray for Adia’s resurrection until the day she is burried. On the morning of the 3rd day, I went to the wake at about 10:15, and asked Jesus to ask Adia whether she wants to come back. I was reminded of Christ’s struggle at Gethsemane - not my will, but your will be done. At noon time, I felt I’m ready to surrender my will. At the same time, message came that a seer was praying for me at 10:15. She saw Adia as a 4,5-year-old girl, with her head down she answered sorrily in Chinese “I like this place, I’m not coming back”.

My wife and I decided to stop praying for resurrection. I thought I was helping her to return to this world, and helping her mom to be reunited with her. But as confirmations would come in the days that follow, turns out she chose to leave in the first place. The rest of the funeral turned into a celebration of her life. We told her she made a good choice, and we blessed her with the blessing Israel gave to Joseph.

As the funeral ended, I felt like I sent her to some contry far away to do her university. I will not see her again any time soon, but we will be renuited for sure.

God’s word

A few words that I read and spoke to me at the time are listed below, the bold format are added by myself.

• But I, through the abundance of your steadfast love, will enter your house. - Psalm 5:7
• The righteous man perishes, and no one lays it to heart; devout men are taken away, while no one understands. For the righteous man is taken away from calamity; he enters into peace; they rest in their beds who walk in their uprightness. - Isaiah 57:1-2
• these I will bring to my holy mountain (her chinese name Zion), and make them joyful in my house of prayer (her chinese name pray); their burnt offerings and their sacrifices will be accepted on my altar; for my house shall be called a house of prayer for all peoples.” - Isaiah 56:7
• Now they were bringing even infants to him that he might touch them. And when the disciples saw it, they rebuked them. But Jesus called them to him, saying, “Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. - Luke 18:15–16
• For you write bitter things against me and make me inherit the iniquities of my youth. - Job 13:26

Though in my mind I know the theology that God is gracious, when calamity like this happens, I did ask Job’s question - did it happen because of my sins, even the iniquities of my youth? At a church service during musical worship God answered me. He told me it’s not because of my sins. Even if he really was a God who wants to repay my sins, he would have killed me instead of my daughter. That spoke to my heart and gave me relief.

Days after

About 9 months after Adia’s death, the autopsy report came out and identified some rare heart issue. Afterwards an authoritative geneticist recommended a US$1,000 DNA test for her, assuring us there was a high chance of finding the cause, but it yielded no answers. For this issue there is no medical cure. Had we detected the issue earlier, we might have been able to sustain her for a few more years, but unless a miracle happens, she would have lived a life with many physical limitations. In this sense, I think she made a good choice to go back home earlier. She was fearless towards death, and the timing she chose helped her avoid much suffering. She left within half an hour before the doctor came for morning ward rounds. Had she left a bit later, there would have been a chance for her to be brought back with medical means. She lingered with us till the last moment.

My wife and I did not suppress our emotions, instead we showed our true selves before God and men, Therefore we recovered rather quickly from the tremendous grief that hit us first. However, just as the hymn sings, sorrows like sea billows row. Some days the wave would hit us out of nowhere, and perturb the peaceful water, untill over time it comes weaker, and not as often.

All in all, I’m grateful for the father’s love that is poured into our hearts by the holy spirit, for the comforts we received via different ministries, family members, friends and colleagues. I’m also grateful for the hope of resurrection in the spiritual body, the new way and new life that Christ gifted us, and I look forward to the day that I meet her again. I’m grateful to be Adia’s father, to bring her to life, and to enjoy her for almost 9 months. This incident gave me stronger desier to offer the time and energy I have on earth to the cause of bringing heaven to earth. Till the day death is eliminated, and my Lord returns. Maranatha!